A Thankful Heart!

O.K. Not that I am complaining, but since we have started on this road to Uganda 1 year ago now, we have went through a lot, we have lost a lot, and we have gained a closer relationship to our Lord as a result of this. My heart has pretty much been fine throughout all the transitions we have made, until recently! I don't know if it's just hormones, having a new little one or what, but lately, my heart has been a little broke, and it's not something you want to admit, it makes me feel a little less godly for some reason. The other day I found Samuel going nuts with a marker coloring all over the dresser in his bedroom! This is not the characteristics of our 5 year old! I went in a blaze, with my spanking hand ready! I said "who did this?" Assuming it was my three year old and Sam immediately spoke up saying "If I tell you it was me, will I get a spank?" Tears filled his eyes, and I said "why? Why would you do such a thing? This isn't even our dresser, it belongs to the missionary homes!" He replied " I know, that's why I did it! I want my old dresser back, my old house, and my old toys, I don't want drunk neighbors anymore mom" the whole time, tears are just pouring down his little cheeks, which again, if any of you know Sam this is just not him! My heart broke into two million pieces as I tried to choke back the tears and not cry along with him. I wanted to tell him "I know, I miss our home, the home Josh and I worked so hard for, my huge front porch where I could sit and rock my babies, our back yard, my dad stood in the pouring rain staining that fence for us". My boys have given up so many of their toys, their cool bed with the sliding board, their swing set, their dog, their cat, their mamaw and papaw's who love them so much! Peter will never even get to know his grandma and grandpas, never get to see them on a daily basis. And all that is going through my head is..... Is this really worth it?! I'm so sorry to even think that God, but my children's hearts are really hurting! Why do we need to go to Africa now?! For seven years, we had no children, no home of our own, that would have been a better time! So, as I choked back my tears, I explained to Sam and Zach, for now this is our home, temporally until God says it's time to go the Africa, and we must be happy and have His joy in our hearts. When Josh got home from work I explained what had happened, and immediately he to began to cry. It was a couple of days later when we were flipping through the channels and an infomercial came on, it was for Feed the Children. We've all seen it, the hungry children in the streets of Africa, flies on their eyeballs, ribs protruding, it is heart breaking. I turned it right away, and told Josh, I honestly don't even want to think about Africa right now! But something made me turn it back! There she was, a momma, just like me, she had two boys the same age as Sam and Zach with a small baby strapped to her back. She was so proud of her children. They had found a mud puddle with a small amount of very dirty water, the cow's back foot was standing in the mud puddle, and it had actually just pooped in it. The mom stood by, as her two little boys scooped that water up and drunk it with smiles on their faces. The tears again started flowing from my eyes, as the man hosting the show said "this mother loves her children just as much as you love yours" I repented for the sadness I had in my heart for crying over material things and realized how much we are needed and called to be a part of what God is doing in Africa. No, I cannot take clean water to everyone there, I cannot feed the starving, or give medical help to all those who need it. But what I can do is go with a happy heart, telling people like that momma standing there, God loves her and her children so much He sent His only Son to die for her. I can give that hope through Jesus Christ. I will praise and thank God right along with her when a mud puddle is found and the children's pains from hunger are gone for that very minute. Josh and I agreed we would never be sad again when our children cry over material things, that is not how we want to raise them, that is not what we want instilled in their little hearts. It was a couple days later, I laid the boys down for a nap, we didn't talk any more about the dresser or anything and Sam came into the bedroom with the tiny little bible he got when he was dedicated as a baby. I was singing to Peter, Sam didn't know I was listening, and he opened that little bible, not knowing how to read yet, and said "Yes God, I will go to Africa and tell the children you love them, because that's what the bible says".
I am so proud of my boys and the life God has called us into, I am so thankful for continually being drawn close to Him and realizing what truly is important. I thank you all for your prayers and partnership in helping us reach a country through God who confirms our calling in our hearts everyday.